So the sick bug has hit GES...HARD! Yesterday we had 5 teachers out sick and about 3 more that probably should have been. Two of those teachers live with me! I am really hoping that I do not get sick.
On top of the sickness that is going around is an air of restlessness and frustration. I feel like I am part of the one to blame for this. It is only natural that we all discuss our plans for next year. Who is coming back, who isn't, and who is on the fence. We speculate about people's decisions all year long! I have really been struggling with what my own decision will be and I have confided in a few people what my hesitations are and what I am feeling. I feel like I created a monster because now those two people, who were so sure before, are now frustrated at what are my concerns for next year. I know that it is only September, but we are almost half-way done with our school year. For people in America they think, you have so much time! And I do have a lot of time! But while their school year is just starting mine is almost halfway done. If I leave now or if I stay will greatly change how I live these last few months....I think.
There is still so much I want to do and see here in Thailand. But when it comes down to it, my purpose in being here does not change if I stay next year or if I leave. Here in Thailand, in the States, or somewhere else in the world I only want my life to point back to God, to return to Him His Glory.
Please be in prayer for the hearts and attitudes of the staff. Also be in prayer that regardless of the decision I make or when I make it that I would still be focused on each day here. On living in a manner worthy of His calling. And you can pray that I don't get sick! :)
Monday, September 3, 2012
Thursday, August 23, 2012
the effects of kindness
Parent Teacher Conferences took place the last 2 days. 18 conferences later I am done! I did not particularly enjoy conferences last year. In a lot of ways I had to prove myself as a new teacher. This year though because I have already have a relationship with the majority of my parents just from going out to dinner with them, going to birthday parties, or just talking with them for a few minutes after school, they already know me and I think they know that I genuinely love their students and want them to succeed. It was so much fun just to sit and laugh with them about their student's behavior and to encourage them about improvements they had made even in these 2 short months.
One parent (let's not beat around the bush...she is my favorite parent to talk to) told me over and over again how much she appreciates me and loves me. She just kept saying, "you are so kind!" over and over and over. After she left the next parent came in and said how much her son loved me because of all the kindness I have shown him. For about 2 minutes I was walking pretty tall and I felt pretty good until I remembered that the only reason I am kind is because of the kindness God has shown to me. Just that morning I had been praying over my conferences and praying that God would be glorified in them, that Christ would shine through me. How encouraging to see that my prayer was answered. God was glorified when they recognized His Kindness being poured out onto their children. I am just humbled to think that he chose me to be the vessel to minister to these students and their parents. Be praying for continued relationships and conversations.
This last month this particular worship song has been the cry of my heart for what I want my life to look like. I hope it blesses you as it has me!
One parent (let's not beat around the bush...she is my favorite parent to talk to) told me over and over again how much she appreciates me and loves me. She just kept saying, "you are so kind!" over and over and over. After she left the next parent came in and said how much her son loved me because of all the kindness I have shown him. For about 2 minutes I was walking pretty tall and I felt pretty good until I remembered that the only reason I am kind is because of the kindness God has shown to me. Just that morning I had been praying over my conferences and praying that God would be glorified in them, that Christ would shine through me. How encouraging to see that my prayer was answered. God was glorified when they recognized His Kindness being poured out onto their children. I am just humbled to think that he chose me to be the vessel to minister to these students and their parents. Be praying for continued relationships and conversations.
This last month this particular worship song has been the cry of my heart for what I want my life to look like. I hope it blesses you as it has me!
Monday, August 13, 2012
truly blessed with a miracle!
I don't know how to describe what I experienced this weekend! On Saturday I went to get a Lasik eye operation. It was a long day. I had a pre-op appointment from 10:00-1:30 and then I came back for my actual surgical appointment at 4:30. By 5:15 I was out of the operating room and I could see! :) I began to cry with joy because I can see! God blessed me with a miracle this weekend! I no longer need contacts or glasses. I came back from the center at around 6:00 that evening. I took 2 Valium, went to bed and woke up the next morning and went back to the center. When I went back, they took off my eye shields and I was just amazed by what I could see. They tested my eyes and I can see 20/20! I feel so blessed to have this opportunity. I now know the joy the blind felt when Christ healed them.
I cannot shower for a week (I have to go get my hair washed.), I can't sweat, I can't rub my eyes, and I have eye drops I have to put in 4 times a day. Because I am not allowed to wash my hair, I decided to go to the salon and get my haircut. So now I have new eyes, a new haircut, and I am ready for a new week with my students. I have observations with my administrators and parent teacher conferences coming up. It will be a stressful two weeks but every time I look around now, I am reminded of God's goodness, faithfulness, provision, and His working in miracles big and small in my life.
"And my God will supply all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus!" Phil. 4:19
I cannot shower for a week (I have to go get my hair washed.), I can't sweat, I can't rub my eyes, and I have eye drops I have to put in 4 times a day. Because I am not allowed to wash my hair, I decided to go to the salon and get my haircut. So now I have new eyes, a new haircut, and I am ready for a new week with my students. I have observations with my administrators and parent teacher conferences coming up. It will be a stressful two weeks but every time I look around now, I am reminded of God's goodness, faithfulness, provision, and His working in miracles big and small in my life.
"And my God will supply all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus!" Phil. 4:19
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
On my own again
So my two weeks with my family has come and gone. They are back and settling into life in Pennsylvania again and I am getting back into my routine of long tutoring days, going to the gym, and paying for my own dinner! :) To say I was nervous about their trip would be an understatement. I was worried about my roommates being upset about my family "invading" our house. I was worried about my parents (student's parents) being upset that I canceled tutoring for 2 weeks. I was worried my mom and Adam were going to hate it, they were going to get stranded somewhere, they would get sick from the food, they couldn't handle the heat, etc, etc, etc. How fitting that I should be listening to a sermon right before they came about the sin of worry and its effects on our lives.
Their visit was better than I ever expected. It started out a little rocky. My mom was pretty sick in the beginning from the plane ride and I think nerves. I was super grumpy because I was working so hard to get everything done and ready for them to come that I was barely sleeping and running myself ragid. I think Adam and my dad were a little worried in the beginning about how everything was going to play out. I think I didn't get out of my "grumpy funk" until we went to Krabi.
That first day all I did was sleep. I slept in the van ride from the airport to the hotel and I slept in the chair next to the pool. I was so exhausted. That night I was laying in bed and God brought the story of Mary and Martha to my mind. I have never liked that story. My middle name is Martha and it always bothered me that I was named after the one who did not take the time to spend time with Christ. She was the one who Christ gently rebukes and who Christ has to remind that sometimes it is better to sit in the quiet with him than to be working and doing. I think it is fitting that I was named after her though because I can see this trait in my life. I am a do-er. I work and work and work to get things done, I do things for others to help them out, but it is not often that I simply sit and be still with the Lord. I know that there needs to be a balance and I need to work to find it. I had been working and working and working to make sure that my parents and brother were having a good time that I never stopped to spend good, quality time with them. I started instead to focus on enjoying the time I had with them instead of working to make sure they were having a good time.
Krabi was super beautiful! We went snorkeling and we went kayaking through mangrove tree forest. I think that this was my favorite thing I have done in my entire life! The beauty cannot be justified in pictures. As I was rowing though it made me so sad to think that this beauty is the fingerprints of God. These Thai tour guides got to see the beauty of God displayed before them in a powerful way everyday and yet they did not see Him. They saw rocks, trees, monkeys, but they did not see a Creator God. It breaks my heart to think that this is true of my students also. Thailand is a beautiful place and I was able to fall in love with it again when I saw my mom and adam experience it for the first time. But this beautiful place is so dark sometimes.
"For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse." Romans 1:20
Their visit was better than I ever expected. It started out a little rocky. My mom was pretty sick in the beginning from the plane ride and I think nerves. I was super grumpy because I was working so hard to get everything done and ready for them to come that I was barely sleeping and running myself ragid. I think Adam and my dad were a little worried in the beginning about how everything was going to play out. I think I didn't get out of my "grumpy funk" until we went to Krabi.
That first day all I did was sleep. I slept in the van ride from the airport to the hotel and I slept in the chair next to the pool. I was so exhausted. That night I was laying in bed and God brought the story of Mary and Martha to my mind. I have never liked that story. My middle name is Martha and it always bothered me that I was named after the one who did not take the time to spend time with Christ. She was the one who Christ gently rebukes and who Christ has to remind that sometimes it is better to sit in the quiet with him than to be working and doing. I think it is fitting that I was named after her though because I can see this trait in my life. I am a do-er. I work and work and work to get things done, I do things for others to help them out, but it is not often that I simply sit and be still with the Lord. I know that there needs to be a balance and I need to work to find it. I had been working and working and working to make sure that my parents and brother were having a good time that I never stopped to spend good, quality time with them. I started instead to focus on enjoying the time I had with them instead of working to make sure they were having a good time.
Krabi was super beautiful! We went snorkeling and we went kayaking through mangrove tree forest. I think that this was my favorite thing I have done in my entire life! The beauty cannot be justified in pictures. As I was rowing though it made me so sad to think that this beauty is the fingerprints of God. These Thai tour guides got to see the beauty of God displayed before them in a powerful way everyday and yet they did not see Him. They saw rocks, trees, monkeys, but they did not see a Creator God. It breaks my heart to think that this is true of my students also. Thailand is a beautiful place and I was able to fall in love with it again when I saw my mom and adam experience it for the first time. But this beautiful place is so dark sometimes.
"For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse." Romans 1:20
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Overnight Camp
Phew! What a long two days! Overnight Camp has come and gone. This year our theme was the Olympics. I really felt like we were there! The kids LOVED it! It was a long day. It started at 5 am on Friday morning and I didn't get to bed until 11. Then it was up at 6 on Saturday and the students FINALLY went home at 12 that afternoon. I came back, passed out in my bed, woke up got a massage and nice American dinner and then I graded papers. Thinking back over all the work and prep and sweat that went into these 36 hours it seems silly. Why waste so much time and effort to make something that only lasts for so long? All the work was justified though in seeing the joy on the students faces, hearing their laughter, and being with them in this relaxed environment. A missions team from a University in America has been here in Thailand for 2 weeks, staying at our school and ministering to schools in the area. They helped us out at the camp and I was SO disappointed in their attitudes. They complained about their sleeping arrangements, the food, the students, the work they were doing, they were bored, they were hot, they had to fly a long time to get here, and the list goes on and on. I was getting very frustrated. This is my home and I am proud of it. To hear it talked about in such a way upset me. Then I started to think though that it is all about your perspective and where your passion is. To them, Thailand really is a 2-week stint. They have no plans of coming back and no real desire to. They are fine to experience it and go back to their lives in the States. To me this has become my life, my ministry. I even dream about school and my students. So vividly in fact that when I wake up I don't know if it really happened or if I just dreamed it. Because my heart is here, I am able to look past the heat, the bugs, some of the strange food, etc. I have also been trying to be intentional about waking up, and being thankful for having one more day. One more day with these students, one more day in Thailand, one more day to be a part of something bigger than me. It has made all the difference in my attitude this year. By looking at each day as a blessing, it makes my hardest days seem profitable instead of arduous. It was great to see the contrast between who I was a little over a year ago and who I hope to become in the future. For that, I am grateful for the time I spent with the missions team this weekend.
Another exciting piece has been my students. The more I get to know them the more I see how tender their hearts are towards the things of God. They LOVE to read the Bible, they sing to God when they are scared, they ask for prayer on a regular basis for one of their classmate who has hand/foot/mouth (which is spreading around Thailand like wildfire!). God is seeking them and they are allowing Him to work in their hearts. At the beginning of the year I thought I was going to really struggle. This is SUCH a sensitive class! I do not do good with sensitive/needy children. I don't have a strong memory of what I was like as a child but from what my mom has told me I was extremely sensitive. I must have used it all up as a child because while I am sensitive about certain issues, for the most part I would not classify myself in that manner. Regardless, I have little patience for sensitive, needy, easy to cry students. This class is sensitive to the MAX! Everyday someone is crying, someone is upset---it is exhausting! I think it is a blessing though. I think their sensitive nature is what fuels their interest in God. Their sensitive hearts are receptive to the Holy Spirit's prompting. Just continue to pray for how God is working in their lives. I can't wait to see how his spirit will move this year in Thailand, in GES, and in grade 3. Enjoy these pictures from the weekend! :)
Also my mom dad and Adam come in 4 days! I can't believe how soon they will get here! I hope they enjoy their time here and I will be sure to post pictures of our time together!
Another exciting piece has been my students. The more I get to know them the more I see how tender their hearts are towards the things of God. They LOVE to read the Bible, they sing to God when they are scared, they ask for prayer on a regular basis for one of their classmate who has hand/foot/mouth (which is spreading around Thailand like wildfire!). God is seeking them and they are allowing Him to work in their hearts. At the beginning of the year I thought I was going to really struggle. This is SUCH a sensitive class! I do not do good with sensitive/needy children. I don't have a strong memory of what I was like as a child but from what my mom has told me I was extremely sensitive. I must have used it all up as a child because while I am sensitive about certain issues, for the most part I would not classify myself in that manner. Regardless, I have little patience for sensitive, needy, easy to cry students. This class is sensitive to the MAX! Everyday someone is crying, someone is upset---it is exhausting! I think it is a blessing though. I think their sensitive nature is what fuels their interest in God. Their sensitive hearts are receptive to the Holy Spirit's prompting. Just continue to pray for how God is working in their lives. I can't wait to see how his spirit will move this year in Thailand, in GES, and in grade 3. Enjoy these pictures from the weekend! :)
Saturday, July 7, 2012
a little evangelist
My heart is so full! This week on Thursday we had open house. One of my girls, Taya, is a believer. Her dad came to talk to me at open house and he asked me if any of the other students knew the Lord. I said no, that I am pretty positive that it is only Taya. He then proceeded to tell me that she was really burdened for her friends. She started praying with them at break and reading them Scripture. They are very interested in having the relationship with Christ that Taya has. Praise the Lord! This little girl is moving mountains in my student's hearts! I am just glad that I can encourage her and pray for the little ministry that she has started! Please join me in prayer for her and the effect she has in her friends. If you knew this little girl, you would be so blessed! She is so precious and she loves the Lord SO much! Her face comes alive when she talks about God!
This Friday night and all day today (saturday afternoon) I spent the day at parties with my parents. How nice to be in the culture. To be hanging out with Thai people. They are so precious and so fun. My heart is overflowing with love for my students, for their parents, for this precious country that God holds so close to his heart! I can feel Him here so strongly right now. His Spirit is moving!
"Call to me and I will answer you, and show you great and might things which you do not know." Jeremiah 33:3 :)
This Friday night and all day today (saturday afternoon) I spent the day at parties with my parents. How nice to be in the culture. To be hanging out with Thai people. They are so precious and so fun. My heart is overflowing with love for my students, for their parents, for this precious country that God holds so close to his heart! I can feel Him here so strongly right now. His Spirit is moving!
"Call to me and I will answer you, and show you great and might things which you do not know." Jeremiah 33:3 :)
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
happy exhausted
It is so easy to become consumed by the negative events and hard things that arise in our lives. I was struck with the fact that so often I am more willing to turn to the negative because it is "easier" to be negative than it is to change my point of view. I began tutoring this week. That means I have to wake up a half hour earlier because I tutor before school and I am tutoring for 2 hours after school. I worked a 12 hour workday yesterday. I was exhausted and needed to blow off some steam, so I went to the gym to just escape from school, to escape from work. If I had stayed at school, I would have ended up doing more work, so I grabbed a bus and made my way to the gym. As I was riding the bus, I thought about my long day. I thought about how I had 36 or so more weeks of these long days. It would have been so easy for me to get frustrated and negative about this work and long days. Instead, I changed my point of view and started thinking about the relationships I could build with the students if I tutored them after school, the extra money I would be making to pay for my eye surgery I am getting this year, and the push to be diligent in getting my work done during the day. There is much to be positive about. I truly have a love for these students, this school, and this administration that I did not have last year. Regardless of the extra work, the long hours, and the tired days I LOVE my job, I LOVE my students, and I LOVE being in Thailand. I have a joy that goes beyond my circumstances. I'm telling you this to help hold me accountable. If I complain in the future, please bring my attention back to this blog, to this mindset that I had. I can already foresee that in the future I will be needing a reminder.
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