the cost of independence

My thai students are young at heart. Their parents do everything for them! I have had parents ask me to pack their backpacks for them after school and write down their homework for them in their books. For 21 students, this would take FOREVER! I gently explained to each one how important it is for them to learn independence and how to do things on their own. This is after all a highly treasured trait in the States. Parents teach their children from a young age how to be independent and it is something that I have always striven for. I guess being the only girl in a family of boys I felt like I had something to prove by being able to not have to rely on my dad or mom or on anyone. My housemate and I were talking about how different the attitudes of our students here are from children in the States. They just seem so much younger and naive and carefree. I have been considering this push of independence a lot this weekend because of that conversation. So naturally God would use that to teach me a Truth from Him! I love that about Him!

This morning before school, I was listening to a sermon online. He was talking about how in the world independence is a mark of maturity, but from a spiritual standpoint that is not true. It is actually the opposite. When we are dependent on the Lord and fully trusting in Him that is a mark of spiritual maturity. When we throw up or hands and admit that we need Him....we are going through growing pains! Just another example of how our lives are to look so opposite of what the world strives for. I looked back through my prayer journal and I saw so many times when I prayed Lord "I need to do...." "I want to..." Even when I am praying about issues and circumstances in my life I am holding onto them with two hands. I am trying to prove to God that I am independent when what he really wants is for me to let go and place it all in His Hands. Once again, my Buddhist students are modeling for me how to live. I love how God uses them in my life. Sometimes I wonder who ministers to the other more...me to them or them to me! :)

a quick update

Sorry I have neglected the blog lately but thank you to everyone who has been checking it looking for new posts! It is always nice to be reminded of the support I have on the other side of the world. I know that many people back home are without power and low on grocery store items, and I have seen the pictures of the devestation in New York and New Jersey online. It brought back memories of our flood last year. I know how difficult circumstances like this can be! I am so blessed though that God spared Thailand from a flood this year. We just had our October break. Two long blissful weeks off of school! Last year this is when we were in the middle of our flood crisis. Our break was extended but it was stressful and not as restful as this year. Tomorrow we start our second semester-On TIME! Crazy! I am not ready to go back to working. I have become spoiled reading books, lounging around, and making delicious food. I am ready to see my students though. On Monday a parent took me out to eat and last night I saw one of my student's parents at the grocery store. It as so nice to see them and it reminded me of my love for them and how lucky I am to teach them and spend the rest of this year with them!

Tomorrow though means the start of the Christmas program and Christmas music. Some in the states might be moaning but I am excited! I love Christmas and I especially love this time I get to spend with my students deocrating our classroom, singing Christmas songs, and talking about why Jesus came as a baby. It is such a special time here and I am so excited to start it all tomorrow!

Please be in prayer for my student's hearts and for me as well as we prepare for this Christmas season! yay! :)

God's provision

This week in devotions we are learning about the story of Jonah. As I was reading them the story today I got to the part where Jonah gets swallowed by the fish. I noticed a word I had never seen before. It says that God "provided" the fish for Jonah. I had never thought about that before. I don't know if Jonah would have been able to swim back to shore or if he would have died in that water, but I don't think he wanted to be swallowed by a fish either. All day long I have been thinking of things in my life that God has "provided" for me but they are not what I would have chosen. I often see them as inconveniences or complications instead of blessings. God clearly provided that fish to wake Jonah up and make him follow His leading. To turn Jonah away from his own sinful heart and agenda and lead him to His plan. I definitely think God has provided some "fish" for me this year to wake me up and take a look at whose desires I am following!

what goes around...better not come to me!

So the sick bug has hit GES...HARD! Yesterday we had 5 teachers out sick and about 3 more that probably should have been. Two of those teachers live with me! I am really hoping that I do not get sick.

On top of the sickness that is going around is an air of restlessness and frustration. I feel like I am part of the one to blame for this. It is only natural that we all discuss our plans for next year. Who is coming back, who isn't, and who is on the fence. We speculate about people's decisions all year long! I have really been struggling with what my own decision will be and I have confided in a few people what my hesitations are and what I am feeling. I feel like I created a monster because now those two people, who were so sure before, are now frustrated at what are my concerns for next year. I know that it is only September, but we are almost half-way done with our school year. For people in America they think, you have so much time! And I do have a lot of time! But while their school year is just starting mine is almost halfway done. If I leave now or if I stay will greatly change how I live these last few months....I think.

There is still so much I want to do and see here in Thailand. But when it comes down to it, my purpose in being here does not change if I stay next year or if I leave. Here in Thailand, in the States, or somewhere else in the world I only want my life to point back to God, to return to Him His Glory.

Please be in prayer for the hearts and attitudes of the staff. Also be in prayer that regardless of the decision I make or when I make it that I would still be focused on each day here. On living in a manner worthy of His calling. And you can pray that I don't get sick! :)

the effects of kindness

Parent Teacher Conferences took place the last 2 days. 18 conferences later I am done! I did not particularly enjoy conferences last year. In a lot of ways I had to prove myself as a new teacher. This year though because I have already have a relationship with the majority of my parents just from going out to dinner with them, going to birthday parties, or just talking with them for a few minutes after school, they already know me and I think they know that I genuinely love their students and want them to succeed. It was so much fun just to sit and laugh with them about their student's behavior and to encourage them about improvements they had made even in these 2 short months.

One parent (let's not beat around the bush...she is my favorite parent to talk to) told me over and over again how much she appreciates me and loves me. She just kept saying, "you are so kind!" over and over and over. After she left the next parent came in and said how much her son loved me because of all the kindness I have shown him. For about 2 minutes I was walking pretty tall and I felt pretty good until I remembered that the only reason I am kind is because of the kindness God has shown to me. Just that morning I had been praying over my conferences and praying that God would be glorified in them, that Christ would shine through me. How encouraging to see that my prayer was answered. God was glorified when they recognized His Kindness being poured out onto their children. I am just humbled to think that he chose me to be the vessel to minister to these students and their parents. Be praying for continued relationships and conversations.

This last month this particular worship song has been the cry of my heart for what I want my life to look like. I hope it blesses you as it has me!

truly blessed with a miracle!

I don't know how to describe what I experienced this weekend! On Saturday I went to get a Lasik eye operation. It was a long day. I had a pre-op appointment from 10:00-1:30 and then I came back for my actual surgical appointment at 4:30. By 5:15 I was out of the operating room and I could see! :) I began to cry with joy because I can see! God blessed me with a miracle this weekend! I no longer need contacts or glasses. I came back from the center at around 6:00 that evening. I took 2 Valium, went to bed and woke up the next morning and went back to the center. When I went back, they took off my eye shields and I was just amazed by what I could see. They tested my eyes and I can see 20/20! I feel so blessed to have this opportunity. I now know the joy the blind felt when Christ healed them.
  I cannot shower for a week (I have to go get my hair washed.), I can't sweat, I can't rub my eyes, and I have eye drops I have to put in 4 times a day. Because I am not allowed to wash my hair, I decided to go to the salon and get my haircut. So now I have new eyes, a new haircut, and I am ready for a new week with my students. I have observations with my administrators and parent teacher conferences coming up. It will be a stressful two weeks but every time I look around now, I am reminded of God's goodness, faithfulness, provision, and His working in miracles big and small in my life.
"And my God will supply all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus!" Phil. 4:19

On my own again

So my two weeks with my family has come and gone. They are back and settling into life in Pennsylvania again and I am getting back into my routine of long tutoring days, going to the gym, and paying for my own dinner! :) To say I was nervous about their trip would be an understatement. I was worried about my roommates being upset about my family "invading" our house. I was worried about my parents (student's parents) being upset that I canceled tutoring for 2 weeks. I was worried my mom and Adam were going to hate it, they were going to get stranded somewhere, they would get sick from the food, they couldn't handle the heat, etc, etc, etc. How fitting that I should be listening to a sermon right before they came about the sin of worry and its effects on our lives.

Their visit was better than I ever expected. It started out a little rocky. My mom was pretty sick in the beginning from the plane ride and I think nerves. I was super grumpy because I was working so hard to get everything done and ready for them to come that I was barely sleeping and running myself ragid. I think Adam and my dad were a little worried in the beginning about how everything was going to play out. I think I didn't get out of my "grumpy funk" until we went to Krabi.

That first day all I did was sleep. I slept in the van ride from the airport to the hotel and I slept in the chair next to the pool. I was so exhausted. That night I was laying in bed and God brought the story of Mary and Martha to my mind. I have never liked that story. My middle name is Martha and it always bothered me that I was named after the one who did not take the time to spend time with Christ. She was the one who Christ gently rebukes and who Christ has to remind that sometimes it is better to sit in the quiet with him than to be working and doing. I think it is fitting that I was named after her though because I can see this trait in my life. I am a do-er. I work and work and work to get things done, I do things for others to help them out, but it is not often that I simply sit and be still with the Lord. I know that there needs to be a balance and I need to work to find it. I had been working and working and working to make sure that my parents and brother were having a good time that I never stopped to spend good, quality time with them. I started instead to focus on enjoying the time I had with them instead of working to make sure they were having a good time.

Krabi was super beautiful! We went snorkeling and we went kayaking through mangrove tree forest. I think that this was my favorite thing I have done in my entire life! The beauty cannot be justified in pictures. As I was rowing though it made me so sad to think that this beauty is the fingerprints of God. These Thai tour guides got to see the beauty of God displayed before them in a powerful way everyday and yet they did not see Him. They saw rocks, trees, monkeys, but they did not see a Creator God. It breaks my heart to think that this is true of my students also. Thailand is a beautiful place and I was able to fall in love with it again when I saw my mom and adam experience it for the first time. But this beautiful place is so dark sometimes.

"For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse." Romans 1:20