Sunday, April 7, 2013
With Every New Beginning is Another Beginning's End...
So in thinking about what I am going to miss about Thailand one of the first things that immediately enters my mind is the food! I am going to miss panaeng, moo ping, salapao, som tom, sticky rice, coconut ice cream, sweet basil chips, and the list goes on and on! I am also going to miss my routine. Going to the gym, massages, movies, riding the bus, being with my friends, my students, and the Thai teachers. One thing I have really been struggling with lately is the purposelessness of my life right now. I told my mom last night that no one would even care if I just never got out of bed for a whole day! I was getting bogged down in this idea that my life has somehow been put on hold because I am unemployed and moving back in with my parents. It hit me today though that I am looking at this all wrong. My life in Thailand is over, that is true. I fly out tonight and once I leave there is no immediate foreseeable future date when I will return. My bedroom now belongs to a girl named Whitney and after today this is no longer my house. But just because I am moving back to Pennsylvania does not mean my life is on hold. I have always said that I want the purpose of my life to be one that brings God glory. I think I have been focused on how my job brings Him glory but not necessarily how I am bringing Him glory. I don't have to be living on the other side of the world or even working with people not from my same background. In every situation every place I am in I have the choice to let me life reflect His Glory. So as I finish my final packing and do one last load of laundry I am encouraged that with the ending of my time here something new is beginning. My life will look different and it will take adjustment but God is constant. The same God I served here I serve in the good ole US of A! Many people are asking me what is next and to be honest I have no idea! There is fear and uncertainty in that answer but there is also freedom. Freedom to allow the Lord to lead me in whatever ways He desires. Freedom to be flexible and freedom to be a vessel used for His purposes. Thank you for coming alongside me during these last two years but this is not the end....its just a new beginning! :)
Thursday, March 14, 2013
3 1/2 days
I have not been very good at keeping this updated lately. Time is getting away from me and we are trying to fit in our bucket list before our time here comes to a close. We have 3 1/2 days left in our school year. I can't believe that my time here is almost done. I told my students on Tuesday that I was not coming back next year so they have been extra clingy lately, never wanting to leave my classroom, eating lunch with me, and of course lots of hugs! I am soaking it all in! I want to treasure every last minute with these precious ones! In some ways I feel like this class was super challenging. They have strong personalities and demand a lot of energy, but they are so rewarding and they have blessed my spirit this year! I would not trade being their teacher for anything in the world! I will miss them more than I think I can imagine at this point! Its weird thinking that these students who I have spent almost everyday with for the past 10 months will never be a part of my life again. I have spent more time with them in this year than anyone else. We have so much fun together! They always have me laughing and smiling with their humor and sometimes even their serious questions! :)
I am definitely starting to feel how hard it is going to be to say goodbye. Last night I had to say my first goodbye. My roommate's sister died on Wednesday morning and she flew home last night to go home for the funeral. Her sister had been sick for a while but it was still a shock because we thought she was on the mend. It was an emotional farewell at the airport. I do not do well with last things and it broke my heart to see her hurting so much! After living with her for two years, I said goodbye to one of my best friends! Its hard to think that our relationship will never look or be the same but I know that this is not one relationship that I am going to let distance ruin and rip apart!
Its making everything final though so I want to live each day to the fullest. Make each day count. I am trying to make each morning's devotion time be chock-full of God's Truth. I want our last Scripture memory verse to be something the Lord can be using to work in their hearts over the two month break, I want to be equipping them the best I can for these two months without school. The way I have seen Satan attack their hearts as seeds are planted is scary but I know God is bigger. And I am trusting that He is already working in them. Please be in prayer for the grade 4 teacher for next year. That is the only position left that they have not filled. In my perfect world they would be a strong, passionate, God-loving teacher. Someone who will love the Lord and pour that love out on them. Someone who will love and appreciate each character in this class. Someone with patience and compassion. God already knows who it is and I pray that whoever that person is, God is preparing them even now for next year.
Just wanted to share this picture of my class when we went to the Logos Hope Ship for a field trip. It is a huge ship that has workers from all over the world. They travel to all different ports and stay there for a month at a time. They have a huge Christian bookstore and a children's show to watch and other programs you can be a part of as well. They LOVED it! And it was great because parents came along and bought all sorts of Christian books for their students to read over the summer. They are in English but it kills two birds with one stone...practicing English and learning God's Truth all in the same go! :)
More thoughts to come later I am sure...
I am definitely starting to feel how hard it is going to be to say goodbye. Last night I had to say my first goodbye. My roommate's sister died on Wednesday morning and she flew home last night to go home for the funeral. Her sister had been sick for a while but it was still a shock because we thought she was on the mend. It was an emotional farewell at the airport. I do not do well with last things and it broke my heart to see her hurting so much! After living with her for two years, I said goodbye to one of my best friends! Its hard to think that our relationship will never look or be the same but I know that this is not one relationship that I am going to let distance ruin and rip apart!
Its making everything final though so I want to live each day to the fullest. Make each day count. I am trying to make each morning's devotion time be chock-full of God's Truth. I want our last Scripture memory verse to be something the Lord can be using to work in their hearts over the two month break, I want to be equipping them the best I can for these two months without school. The way I have seen Satan attack their hearts as seeds are planted is scary but I know God is bigger. And I am trusting that He is already working in them. Please be in prayer for the grade 4 teacher for next year. That is the only position left that they have not filled. In my perfect world they would be a strong, passionate, God-loving teacher. Someone who will love the Lord and pour that love out on them. Someone who will love and appreciate each character in this class. Someone with patience and compassion. God already knows who it is and I pray that whoever that person is, God is preparing them even now for next year.
Just wanted to share this picture of my class when we went to the Logos Hope Ship for a field trip. It is a huge ship that has workers from all over the world. They travel to all different ports and stay there for a month at a time. They have a huge Christian bookstore and a children's show to watch and other programs you can be a part of as well. They LOVED it! And it was great because parents came along and bought all sorts of Christian books for their students to read over the summer. They are in English but it kills two birds with one stone...practicing English and learning God's Truth all in the same go! :)
More thoughts to come later I am sure...
Monday, February 18, 2013
where did February go?
I can't believe this is the last full week of February! Weekends are filling up trying to cross everything off our bucket list, and it doesn't help that we keep adding to that list as well! :)
Exciting teacher news though we performed reading tests at the beginning of the year and now with only a month left of school, we are giving them again to see how far they have progressed. Now that they are reading at a higher reading level the books are longer and it takes FOREVER to test them. With 21 students, it is going to take a long time to test them all. I only was able to test 4 in a 2 hour time period and that has to be fit in around teaching time. It is a juggling act for sure!
But anyways as I was testing them I was amazed to see their progress! One student who came in knowing no English and reading and comprehending at a level B is now reading and comprehending at a level M. I am so amazed and proud of her! It is so encouraging to be able to see what they can do and to think that I played a small part in that! I do enjoy teaching! Today was a rewarding day! :)
Exciting teacher news though we performed reading tests at the beginning of the year and now with only a month left of school, we are giving them again to see how far they have progressed. Now that they are reading at a higher reading level the books are longer and it takes FOREVER to test them. With 21 students, it is going to take a long time to test them all. I only was able to test 4 in a 2 hour time period and that has to be fit in around teaching time. It is a juggling act for sure!
But anyways as I was testing them I was amazed to see their progress! One student who came in knowing no English and reading and comprehending at a level B is now reading and comprehending at a level M. I am so amazed and proud of her! It is so encouraging to be able to see what they can do and to think that I played a small part in that! I do enjoy teaching! Today was a rewarding day! :)
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
two months....
Well it is hard to believe it but next week will be February! We have less than 2 months left of school! Every time I think about leaving my students, I get a little weepy, but I know that they will still be continuing on at the school and being taught God's Word! I care about them a lot but they wouldn't be mine next year anyways and I keep reminding myself of that. I have prepared them to move on and I believe that they are equipped and ready for grade 4 (all with the exception of maybe 1 or 2).
This week, I have been reading about the story about Joseph and some things really struck me about his story. We have it all written down for us in a few concise chapters but this was over his whole life. God made promises to him in the form of dreams, but then he was abandoned by his brothers, thrown in jail, and probably felt forgotten about. Yet he still held onto God's promises and he saw them accomplished. It might not have been in his timetable, but God was still faithful. In HIS perfect timing, he brought everything to fruition.
I know the same is true for me. I know that God is faithful to His Promise that He will never leave or forsake me. I know that He will direct my paths if I place my trust and hope in Him! Maybe right now I might feel a little adrift, uncertain about what my life will look like even 3/4 months from now. But in HIS prefect timing he will reveal that to me. I know that even now, He is preparing my future steps!
Just please continue to pray for focus and determination for the end of the year. It has been a lot easier to stay focused and not be restless than I first thought. :) I just want to live in the moment and enjoy every last day! Parent teacher conferences today and tomorrow! :)
This week, I have been reading about the story about Joseph and some things really struck me about his story. We have it all written down for us in a few concise chapters but this was over his whole life. God made promises to him in the form of dreams, but then he was abandoned by his brothers, thrown in jail, and probably felt forgotten about. Yet he still held onto God's promises and he saw them accomplished. It might not have been in his timetable, but God was still faithful. In HIS perfect timing, he brought everything to fruition.
I know the same is true for me. I know that God is faithful to His Promise that He will never leave or forsake me. I know that He will direct my paths if I place my trust and hope in Him! Maybe right now I might feel a little adrift, uncertain about what my life will look like even 3/4 months from now. But in HIS prefect timing he will reveal that to me. I know that even now, He is preparing my future steps!
Just please continue to pray for focus and determination for the end of the year. It has been a lot easier to stay focused and not be restless than I first thought. :) I just want to live in the moment and enjoy every last day! Parent teacher conferences today and tomorrow! :)
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
new year, new beginnings
Happy 2013 everyone! :) I was able to go to the States for Christmas and spend two weeks with my family in the cold weather! I loved being cold and having lots of snow! I was looking forward to the heat of Thailand again though, only to land and have it be 75 degrees! It was FREEZING! I couldn't believe it! haha.....Only people who have spent time in Thailand would understand how 75 degrees could be cold! :)
I am really glad that I was given the chance to go home for a short time. As I shared in my last blog post, I was so uncertain about my future and what to do. I didn't know what to do or what I was going to decide. I used the time at home to gain clarity and really seek the Lord and what His Will for me might be for next year. I feel like it is the right decision to move back to the States next year. It was an emotional decision to make for sure! Everytime someone would even ask me about my plans for next year I would start to cry! I think my mom was starting to get a little worried about me! I am not usually so emotional.
I was starting to second guess my decision because of how emotional I was getting. I spent sometime in prayer on the plane ride back (I had enough time! :)) and I just asked the Lord to fill me with His peace. I was worried about what I would feel landing in Bangkok...knowing it was my last time. As soon as I landed though and stepped off the plane, I was filled with such an overwhelming sense of peace! I know that this is what is right for me. God is so faithful! Even yesterday as I handed in my form letting them know I would not be returning, I felt such a strong sense of peace!
I know that it will still be emotional to say goodbye and I know I still might waver occassionally in my decision but I can always be reminded of that peace I experienced in the airport.
I don't know what my future in the States will look like. I don't know what I will do when I get there or what my life will consist of. This week though my verse my students are learning is Matthew 6:33 "Seek first his kingdom and righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." As long as I concern myself with seeking the Lord, being dedicated to spending time with Him in prayer and being a lover of His Word, He will guide and direct my steps. I am resting in His Promise and His Goodness! :) Thank you for all of your prayers and support!
I am really glad that I was given the chance to go home for a short time. As I shared in my last blog post, I was so uncertain about my future and what to do. I didn't know what to do or what I was going to decide. I used the time at home to gain clarity and really seek the Lord and what His Will for me might be for next year. I feel like it is the right decision to move back to the States next year. It was an emotional decision to make for sure! Everytime someone would even ask me about my plans for next year I would start to cry! I think my mom was starting to get a little worried about me! I am not usually so emotional.
I was starting to second guess my decision because of how emotional I was getting. I spent sometime in prayer on the plane ride back (I had enough time! :)) and I just asked the Lord to fill me with His peace. I was worried about what I would feel landing in Bangkok...knowing it was my last time. As soon as I landed though and stepped off the plane, I was filled with such an overwhelming sense of peace! I know that this is what is right for me. God is so faithful! Even yesterday as I handed in my form letting them know I would not be returning, I felt such a strong sense of peace!
I know that it will still be emotional to say goodbye and I know I still might waver occassionally in my decision but I can always be reminded of that peace I experienced in the airport.
I don't know what my future in the States will look like. I don't know what I will do when I get there or what my life will consist of. This week though my verse my students are learning is Matthew 6:33 "Seek first his kingdom and righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." As long as I concern myself with seeking the Lord, being dedicated to spending time with Him in prayer and being a lover of His Word, He will guide and direct my steps. I am resting in His Promise and His Goodness! :) Thank you for all of your prayers and support!
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
a cloudy future
Only a month ago if you had asked me where I would be living in June, I would have told you without a moment's hesitation that I was moving home to the States. Since the end of August, I had pretty much made my decision to move to America and settle down there at least for a year or two, maybe forever even. Now I am so torn and confused. Half my heart is here in Thailand and half of my heart is in the States. I have no idea what to do. In a lot of ways it is so much scarier to move home to America. Its actually a little terrifying thinking of all I will leave behind and all I will be giving up. In a lot of ways it was a sacrafice to move here. But now it feels like the tables turned and it would be just as big a sacrafice to move home in a lot of ways. This is all I know of life as an adult. This has been my last three years of my life and even before that so much of me was consumed with plans to come here.
Its just as scary to stay here though too. I see so man problems with this school and so much that needs to change and be done differently. I see so much within this ministry that I don't know if I can support. This lifestyle is draining and I see how it leaves people jaded and bitter and lackluster with God. I am just as terrified to leave as I am to stay.
I am trying to just rest in the Lord and wait for Him to reveal His perfect plan in His perfect timing. I am seeking your prayers though as I wait upon Him. I have until January 4th to decide. I know it is not where I live but how I live that makes the difference. I know that God will not have been with me all this time and then just abandon me now when I need His direction the most. I know this Truth but in a lot of ways my fears are clouding the Truth from my heart. My fears are in regrets I might make and in living a purposeless life. I don't want to lose my passion and vision.
There is a song that was made for one of the Narnia movies (I don't remember which one) but I can't listen to it without crying. It fits pretty perfectly what my heart is feeling right now. I'll post it below. Thank you for your prayers! I reall appreciate them!
Its just as scary to stay here though too. I see so man problems with this school and so much that needs to change and be done differently. I see so much within this ministry that I don't know if I can support. This lifestyle is draining and I see how it leaves people jaded and bitter and lackluster with God. I am just as terrified to leave as I am to stay.
I am trying to just rest in the Lord and wait for Him to reveal His perfect plan in His perfect timing. I am seeking your prayers though as I wait upon Him. I have until January 4th to decide. I know it is not where I live but how I live that makes the difference. I know that God will not have been with me all this time and then just abandon me now when I need His direction the most. I know this Truth but in a lot of ways my fears are clouding the Truth from my heart. My fears are in regrets I might make and in living a purposeless life. I don't want to lose my passion and vision.
There is a song that was made for one of the Narnia movies (I don't remember which one) but I can't listen to it without crying. It fits pretty perfectly what my heart is feeling right now. I'll post it below. Thank you for your prayers! I reall appreciate them!
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
celebrating fathers!
This is Vegas: Don't worry if you don't know what he said because I have no idea, the other students have no idea, and even Vegas himself has no idea what he said! He is such a character! I love this kid!
And this is Nana. Her video is so precious. I know there is a lot of background noise. She says that her dad is special because he is from Hong Kong but he comes to Thailand just to see her face! :)
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!!!!!!!
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