a little dose of honesty...

I haven't been completely honest in this blog these last few weeks. I have tried to remain positive and upbeat, and only share good things so maybe it would change my heart a little bit. BUT if I am being completely honest, I was in a dark place. I was moody, grumpy, selfish, needy, and a little depressed! (okay, maybe more than a little!) I was in this awful funk and I was so miserable with everything! I was tired of my students, I had lost all my joy, I was angry with people at home, things going on here at school---every time I turned around there was something else that had gone wrong or had made me angry or had hurt my feeling or made me frustrated. On top of that, we have been subbing for our Thai teachers like crazy so our hours are crazy and with no planning periods and grades due soon, it was just not a good combination. I was blaming it on lack of sleep and being overworked but that was not the case. I was being attacked! I was being robbed of my joy in my purpose here! God kept bringing Psalm 51:12 to my attention though, "Restore to me the JOY of my salvation!" I had lost my joy in the very thing that had brought me to Thailand in the first place! That verse truly became my prayer. I even wrote it out and taped it to my desk. My students were curious as to why it was there so I shared with them that they learn verses, and I memorize verses too because it is important that we treasure God's Word in our hearts. They now all want to memorize this verse as well as their weekly verse! :) God is faithful! This past Thursday, which had the potential to be the hardest and most taxing day I've had yet, turned out to be a wonderful blessing! God is upholding me with his willing Spirit! :) I would just ask for prayers that the God of hope would fill me with his joy and peace!