a heart like Ephesus

I apologize in advance for the sporadic nature of this blog. There is so much going on right now that I have a lot to share!

First, I am struck by how incredibly God provides insight in the smallest areas of our lives. My roommate made me a BEAUTIFUL cake for my birthday! The only problem was that I also got 6 bags of chocolate/candy treats from America, lemon bars, brownies, and ice cream cake for my birthday. Needless to say, our house is swimming in sugar goodness right now. I am trying to exhibit self-control, so I thought that I would share with some of the other staff. I gave my ice cream cake to the girls who live 2 doors down, froze most of the chocolate I got as a gift so I could eat it over a longer period of time, gave away my brownies to staff members, and decided to cut up my cake to dish out to various houses. A young mother here on campus had helped my roommate come up with decorating ideas, and had loaned her some supplies so we decided to give her a big piece to share with her family. My really good friend has her mom staying here so we cut up a large piece for her, her mom, and her roommate, but then we still had one considerable chunk left that had no designated home. I decided to wrap it up and I had 2 different ideas on who to give it to and I just thought when I started walking in that direction I would make up my mind. I walked out of my door and who is standing in the cafeteria but my thai teacher. The very one that I have been praying and thinking about how to show her I care and appreciate her. It was so perfect! I gave her the chunk of cake and she was so touched and appreciative. I know that it seems so small, but these small acts of love speak volumes in our relationships with the thai staff. God knew that that small piece of cake would just bring us that much closer. I am so glad I was not selfish and decide to keep that cake for myself!

On a secondary note, I was also really convicted today in church. There was a video series that they started today because they did not have anyone available to preach. I was not really that excited about it and I was started thinking of other things like all the work I needed to do when I got back home. As I slowly started tuning in, I realized he was speaking to me! The series is on the seven churches in Revelations. It focuses on one church in every message so this week it was on the church in Ephesus. I realize in many ways my heart matches the heart of this church. He was saying on paper it looks like they have it all together. They have sound doctrine, the give generously in church, they know the Bible/Sunday School answers, but they are dealing with the sin of a lack of love. He continued to talk about how when we get easily annoyed, frustrated, angry, etc. with people, we are sinning in responding with those emotions instead of responding in love. I was so convicted in thinking about my relationships with people here at the school. I find it very easy to love my students and to love the thai teachers, my thai friends at the gym, even my friends at the restaurants I eat at. It's because they don't know God. I have so much more patience and love for them. However, the people I work with I struggle with many. I am easily frustrated, I get annoyed with them over little things, I have no patience. I think this is because I don't feel like I need to love them in the same way. I don't feel like I need to extend God's love to them because they already have it. They are aware of the love of God in a way that my non-believer friends are not. I suffer from a sin of with holding love. I know that Paul writes about how his love abounds for the believers in Philippi with knowledge and depth of insight. I was struck that the people who I have the hardest time loving are the ones that I know the least. The ones that I don't have the patience to get to know or even the desire to get to know. I know that I do not have to be best friends with everyone, but in Thailand where the body of Christ is so spread-out and few and far between, I am not doing much to unify it. I would appreciate prayers to deepen my love for my brothers and sisters in Christ. So often I pray to see the Thai people through God's eyes but I have never prayed to see fellow believers through His eyes. Last year I learned how to love transcending culture, and I think this year God is trying to teach me how to love within it. 

and so it begins...

One week (or rather two short days) of school down, and a full week starts up tomorrow! My class is SO different from last year. They seem so little and they have SO much energy! I have had to be pretty strict last week and that is true even more so tomorrow and all this week. I feel like this first month is going to be very important to establish clear expectations and behavior in the classroom. I know they have been a problem for teachers in the past and I am trying to keep that at bay this year! They are so sweet though and I am really excited for all this year holds.

As some of you know I have really been struggling knowing what to do about a church and the youth group I was helping out with last year. After a lot of talking to others and really praying about the decision, I decided to not help out anymore. I feel at peace with the decision. I found I was pouring myself out SO much and I was never really being filled. You can only give so much for so long until you are dry. Last year I ended the school year bone dry, weary, and extremely frustrated. That was not fair to my students, who are my first and most important ministry.

New teachers this year are really struggling to adjust to the culture. They don't like the food, the heat, the "Thai" way our school is run, or the expectations of the Thai parents. Don't get me wrong, each one of these things (expect the food of course!) has been a source of struggle for me at some point in my time here. Just pray that they would adjust and that God would make them culturally sensitive and aware. Once you start to have a heart for these people, it is so much easier to avoid feelings of frustration over little things.

On a happy note, I have made a really strong connection with my thai teacher, Kru Pon. On Friday, we sat after school for an hour and talked. She told me in her broken English mixed with my broken Thai the story of how she and her husband fell in love. Thai people don't let you in very easily, you have to earn their trust for a long, personal story like that. I praise God that we are bonding! I just hope that we can continue to deepen our relationship. She is such a special woman, and she has such a special heart. God is big enough to reach her where she is, and I pray I am here to witness it.

Sorry I know that this post is sporadic but so much has happened in the two weeks or so that I have been back. God has really put this verse on my heart for this year and I would like to share it with you. "My heart and my flesh may fail, but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion forever!" Psalm 73:26

finished product!

Here is that video that would not load yesterday. I have more pictures for all of you though because my room is pretty much DONE! YAY! And I still have tomorrow to do last minute details! AHHHH!!! I love not being stressed! So here is my lovely room! :) I am very proud of it!

I'm back!

So I have been back for almost a week! It was really hard for me to adjust back to the time difference. I probably slept a total of 4 hours the first 3 days! It was rough but the last few nights I have gone to bed at 9:00 and gotten up at 6:30 the next morning so I think I am making up for lost hours! :) I've been working hard on getting my classroom ready! I forgot to take a complete before picture so I took pictures this morning before I started working and then I just took a video of my progress so you could see what I accomplished today. If you can't guess, my theme is owls! :)

My video won't load! :( Maybe I can try again tomorrow!

Year One Complete!

So I just said goodbye to my first class! It's sad to see them go and I will miss not having them next year. I wish we could just take a 2-month break and then pick up right where we started off again. BUT next year is new and will be exciting with a lot of challenges. I come home in 6 days so this will probably be the last blog you get from me until next June. I just wanted to stop and say thank you for all of your prayers and all of your support! It truly did mean a lot to me! I am going to use this break to really rest in the Lord and rejunivante myself for next year. While I loved this year it was also draining and taxing. I don't think I would have traded it for anything though. Pray for these little ones when they come to your mind. I worry that as they continue to grow older the things of God will be less and less meaningful to them and their attitude may become bored and unattentive. I know that God has a way of working beyond all these things though and I pray that He would continue to place people in their lives who will water the seeds that were planted here this year. Some students will not be returning in June but they will be carrying these truths with them wherever they may go  next year. I feel blessed that God would use me in these place and with these children. Today for a last activity we did class superlatives. One of the categories was "someone who is a true friend." A number of my students wrote God or Jesus. This made my heart smile and I just hope that this really takes root in their heart and it would be something that they can draw and lean on throughout their whole life. I think exciting things are going to continue taking place in these students lives and I feel blessed to be able to glimpse small pieces of it! Thank you for caring and praying for these precious children that you have never met. ;)

Thank you! :)

So after much prayer and a wonderful relaxing weekend on an island away from everything having to do with school, I feel much refreshed and rested. Thank you so much for your prayers---they have been felt in Thailand! Here is a little video to say thank you! In chapel we sing "This is the day" in Thai and I recorded my students doing it afterwards. The words in English (in case you are unfamiliar with the song) says, "This is the day that the Lord has made, we will rejoice and be glad in it! This is the day, this is the day that the Lord has made!" So simple but such a wonderful truth! :)

a little dose of honesty...

I haven't been completely honest in this blog these last few weeks. I have tried to remain positive and upbeat, and only share good things so maybe it would change my heart a little bit. BUT if I am being completely honest, I was in a dark place. I was moody, grumpy, selfish, needy, and a little depressed! (okay, maybe more than a little!) I was in this awful funk and I was so miserable with everything! I was tired of my students, I had lost all my joy, I was angry with people at home, things going on here at school---every time I turned around there was something else that had gone wrong or had made me angry or had hurt my feeling or made me frustrated. On top of that, we have been subbing for our Thai teachers like crazy so our hours are crazy and with no planning periods and grades due soon, it was just not a good combination. I was blaming it on lack of sleep and being overworked but that was not the case. I was being attacked! I was being robbed of my joy in my purpose here! God kept bringing Psalm 51:12 to my attention though, "Restore to me the JOY of my salvation!" I had lost my joy in the very thing that had brought me to Thailand in the first place! That verse truly became my prayer. I even wrote it out and taped it to my desk. My students were curious as to why it was there so I shared with them that they learn verses, and I memorize verses too because it is important that we treasure God's Word in our hearts. They now all want to memorize this verse as well as their weekly verse! :) God is faithful! This past Thursday, which had the potential to be the hardest and most taxing day I've had yet, turned out to be a wonderful blessing! God is upholding me with his willing Spirit! :) I would just ask for prayers that the God of hope would fill me with his joy and peace!